I am a retired pastor, having served for over 30 years in the parish ministry. When I made calls on the members to become acquainted, I learned that my predecessor and his wife had several close friends in the congregation, with whom they socialized regularly. The most frequent term I heard used for that association was "The Pastor's clique," most frequently used in a negative sense. I decided that I was going to be pastor to all of the members on an equal basis and refrained from making close friends in the congregation. My close friends were other pastors in the circuit.

Although I had told my wife that she was free to do as she felt led, since she was not the pastor of the congregation, she chose not to have any close friends in the congregation, although she did have some female friends in the congregation with whom she occasionally socialized. But she became quite active in several community organizations, where she also made friends. This served her needs and was accepted by the members of the congregation.