God’s design for sexuality: Starting the conversation

Delores Desemone greets a fellow attendee at the Created Male and Female: In His Image conference, held April 15-16 at the LCMS International Center in St. Louis. A member of Zion Lutheran Church, Harvester, Mo., Delores and her husband started a support group for families with children struggling with transgenderism or homosexuality, and attended the conference to learn more. (LCMS/Erik M. Lunsford)

By Stacey Eising

Cohabitation. Homosexuality. Pornography. Transgenderism.

The church is often silent about these issues or speaks of them as if they are “out there” — but as they increasingly permeate every corner of society, they also affect our brothers and sisters in Christ.

When God’s design is rejected, the whole community suffers. Often, suffering parents or struggling individuals are too afraid to speak up about these issues within their church communities, afraid of awkwardness or shame. In this silence, many Christians are bearing burdens alone — burdens that are extremely heavy to bear.

At its 2019 and 2023 conventions, The Lutheran Church—Missouri Synod (LCMS) passed resolutions calling on the church to “address sexual orientation and gender identity issues” — to start intentional conversations, and to enable LCMS pastors, church workers and laypeople, through resources and support, to carry on these conversations within their congregations.

On April 15–16, the Created Male and Female: In His Image Conference was held at the LCMS International Center in St. Louis. It was one of the first of a series of conferences to be led around the country by the LCMS Recognized Service Organization DOXOLOGY, funded by a grant from the LCMS Office of National Mission (ONM). The ONM will cover 10 conferences in 2024 and 10 more in 2025.

The conference’s two days of sessions were led by the Rev. David C. Fleming, DOXOLOGY’s executive director for Spiritual Care; Dr. Beverly K. Yahnke, DOXOLOGY’s executive director for Christian Counsel; and the Rev. Matthew Wurm, senior pastor of Mount Calvary Lutheran Church, Brookings, S.D.

Tailoring the content for three different “tracks” — clergy, laypeople, and educators and other church workers — the sessions were oriented around four major topics: pastoral care for cohabitating couples, support for families of children who identify as transgender, tactics for navigating difficult conversations and conflict, and Christian worldview and sexuality.

A light in the darkness

Wurm, who started a support group in his congregation for members dealing with these issues in their families, spoke on pastoral responses to cohabitation and transgenderism. His talks included:

The need for pastoral discernment when responding to cohabitating couples, rather than a one-size-fits-all “ultimatum strategy” or “relational strategy.”

The importance of presenting a positive vision of the goodness of marriage to cohabitating couples, rather than simply condemning their sin. “Light a candle in the midst of the darkness,” said Wurm. “It will draw people to it.”

The increasing warnings children are receiving on social media not to speak to pastors about their gender identity — and the subsequent importance of equipping laypeople and teachers to respond to these questions with God’s truth.

The opportunity to create places in our churches both to support members who are dealing with these issues in their families, and to include those who are coming out of the LGBTQ+ community. “Those people who desire this chaste, faithful life — how can we plug them in to our church communities?”

Fleming’s talks focused on the Christian response to the culture’s view of sexuality. His points included:

A reminder of Satan’s constant attacks on the church — making Christians ashamed of God’s truth, turning us against one another in anger, oppressing our consciences and leading us to despair — and the protection and cleansing that comes through Christ’s forgiveness.

The need to emphasize the value and sacredness of the body in a culture that demeans and degrades it. Our bodies are not our own but belong to the Lord and are temples of the Holy Spirit. Through Christ, God sees us as we will be, “without spot or wrinkle.” This hope is there for all who repent.

The importance of emphasizing the beauty of marriage and explaining how it is designed and given by God — while also upholding the value and purpose of the celibate single life. “Our society is billowing darkness. It’s all around us. How do we repel the darkness? The only way is to hold up the light. And nobody else is going to do that but the church and Christians — nobody else is going to hold up the light of the beauty of God in His Word and in the saving work of Christ but us. That’s our job, our beautiful confession,” said Fleming.

Yahnke’s talks focused on practical strategies for having difficult conversations. Her points included:

Statistics that show the rising fear and difficulty of conversation in general in our culture, due to the mistrust people have of one another, and the fear of strong negative reactions from others.

The importance for Christians (especially pastors) of coming together and seeking advice from one another about areas of uncertainty.

How misunderstanding and division can spread through parishes “like wildfire,” and the importance of addressing conflict in the congregation immediately and with love.

The value of patience and long-term trusting relationships when it comes to difficult conversations about sexuality and gender identity. “Be prepared for many conversations with that person. Give up the notion that you’re going to change them. It is the Holy Spirit who does that. Our prayer should be: What might I say that can be useful to them in this moment?”

The importance of reminding ourselves that the struggling person is not the enemy, but is “a person for whom Christ died.”

‘Immensely helpful’

The conference drew a variety of attendees, especially pastors seeking to better address these topics within their congregations, and laypeople with children or close family members struggling with these issues.

“It’s been immensely helpful, both personally and for my involvement in the church,” said Delores Desemone, a member of Zion Lutheran Church in Harvester, Mo. Desemone has a family member who came out as homosexual at age 15, nearly two decades ago. Desemone has been looking for answers about how to address the situation as a Lutheran ever since. Recently, she and her husband have started a support group at their church for families that have children struggling with transgenderism or homosexuality.

“There are so many. And many people with much more painful stories than ours,” said Desemone. “We have lots of grandparents that are coming to [our support group] that are just painfully watching their grandchildren go through this, as their parents have made bad decisions.”

“My experience has been wonderful here,” said Terri Schmitt, a pastor’s wife who also has a family member who struggles with one of the issues addressed at the conference. “I love the respect here, the love of the Word of God held as holy and true, and the tools they are providing us to go about our lives and honor Him.”

“We face so many of these issues, and they’re generally not spoken of in the way we need to speak of them,” said Terri’s husband, the Rev. David Schmitt, who serves as assistant pastor at Trinity Lutheran Church in Park Hills, Mo. “Many people find shame in these situations when they arise, so they don’t speak of them. There is a lot of fear, especially since it’s so easy to take a Law-based response to these matters.”

“One of the really encouraging things about this conference is how Gospel-focused it’s been,” continued Rev. Schmitt. “We can forget that these folks are children of God who still need to be reached out to, still need to be counseled and brought back to repentance,  … the Lord’s Supper, … the church [and] God’s arms. I think we’re too quick to say, ‘No, don’t do that,’ and too slow to say, “Come and receive forgiveness.’ ”

“I was confronted with these issues in New York, and then I moved to Arkansas, thinking it wouldn’t be so bad, and [I] found out it’s really bad there too. So, it’s everywhere. And the church is struggling to respond to that,” said the Rev. Dr. Leroy Leach, a retired pastor and former Concordia College New York professor who currently resides in Conway, Ark.

“The sessions have been very helpful,” continued Leach. “The … Synod is being proactive in helping people understand how to address this with the love and the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The focus is on the grace and forgiveness and love of the Gospel.”

More of these Created Male and Female conferences will be scheduled soon in districts across the LCMS.

“We give thanks to God for our partnership with DOXOLOGY and their dedication and work to bring these conferences to the LCMS,” said the Rev. Dan Galchutt, executive director of the LCMS Office of National Mission.

To see more resources that have been created to address issues of sexual orientation and gender identity, visit lcmslife.org/created-male-and-female.

Posted May 3, 2024